Thankfulness: Singleness

Okay, this one has been hard to write... I'm sure I'll look back and think, "what in the...?" oh well. here it goes.

Let me please preface this with telling you that my whole life has been spent "doing the right thing so that I can be a good guy who gets a good girl and who lives happily ever after." Marriage has been (and may still be) a huge idol in my life. (Yup, I'm a guy who has idolized marriage.) Also, this is NOT meant to be a pity party. I am very, very glad I'm single, currently! God knows exactly what He's doing, and it's just recently that I can comprehend that, a little. Please remember that if you're reading this. : )

Why am I thankful for my lonely, hopeless and disappointing singleness? I'm glad you asked!! Let me tell you!

Being single is pretty lonely. Sure, you have your bros and family and some really good friends (if you're as lucky as I am), but there is a lack. There is a feeling that no one wants to be with you, specifically. You look around, see affection being reciprocated between two people, and you realize that you don't have what they have. being lonely is realizing that you are not complete and there is nothing you can do about it -- despite your best efforts -- on your own. There is almost a sense of helplessness.

Being single is is pretty hopeless. That is, when your whole life has been seeking fulfillment in a relationship, being single is very hopeless. Fearing rejection, then being rejected, is not a bad thing. But, when you stake your worth on being accepted or rejected, like I do, it is devastating. And the worst part is that I put myself in that position because of my own insecurities! I tell myself, "I'm only worth something if I have a girlfriend." I have assumed that since I have never had a girlfriend, I am worth nothing and am, as a matter of fact, pretty gross.

Being single is disappointing -- when you are so dang hopeful for something and you really shouldn't have it, of course it's disappointing! I have hoped in one girl or another for purpose to my whole life! That's a lot of pressure to put on her!! (That's also the biggest turn off that I am aware of -- "insecurity" at it's finest.) "here chicka, carry my all of my issues and fix them!" That's what I'm saying! And that's awful!! Being hollow and hoping that another person (who is also, probably, seeking fulfillment) will give you purpose or satisfaction leaves you so utterly drained! You end up completely disappointed in whoever you were hoping would fulfill you or in yourself for not being strong enough to fulfill yourself. But, disappointment, failure, and pain teach lessons so well if your instructor knows what He's doing!

Why would I tell you the weird, dumb inner thoughts and feelings I have about my own issues in this? Because I want you to know that I struggle with this and that, if you're single too, you probably struggle with these types of things too! This is one of those subjects I do not talk about hardly because this idol is very dear to me! I really don't want to be single! Also, I want to tell you because I do NOT like people who are married telling single people why it's such a blessing to be single! It feels like a person who has plenty of food telling an indigent that he should be thankful for how hungry he is! (Alright, that might be a bit harsh. Many married people have truly helped me in this.)

I'm single.
If you are also single, I want to tell you that is okay and, as a matter of fact, really good for you and me that we are not in a relationship with someone.

Here's why: Understanding, humility, responsibility, trusting.

   I have learned so much more than I thought I ever would. When training, pain comes into play, you get sore, and you sometimes injure yourself. My goal has always been to get a good wife. That is what I have spent my life training for. That's missing the point entirely! It's not about getting a wife! It's about knowing GOD! Hoping in anything other than the Lord will always bring pain! And, I say this with faith only, He is far better than any wife could ever be! In choosing between gaining a wife and gaining the Lord, I chose to gain Him -- He kinda gave me no options because I would always choose not Him in my blind, misunderstanding. I am so thankful that I do not have the woman of my dreams while having no relationship with God. (Please know that I still struggle to believe what i have just written.)

   In desperation, in feeling unsatisfied, in my arrogance, I turned to great looking sin in order satiate my desire for what I wanted. Oh yes, I did. In that, my sin eroded away any ounce of  prideful thoughts of, "I'm a good guy and I deserve a great girl!" As far as I know, I'll be single my whole life. ...To be truly honest, that scares me. Yet, I am so thankful that my sin of pride, which has manifested itself in the form of lust, has been shown to me. Without my sinfulness being shown to me, humility would be my enemy and mercy would be my adversary. And I am so thankful that I can learn to deal with my sin without having to hurt a wife in order to turn away from it! I have not hurt her in that way! I am SO thankful for this opportunity to become a pure man without dragging a woman that I love through all that crap! (It is well known to me that I already have hurt her already in my current and past sinfulness. I do have baggage. she will need to forgive me.) I would not say I'm a humble or merciful person, but I think God is working these into me.

   Living as a single for many years makes you live without being reliant on another. Sure, mom reminds me of all kinds of things I need to do, and I'm very glad for that. But if I don't do something, no one else is going to do it for me. Laundry? Dishes? Shopping? Getting the car fixed? Taxes? Signing up for health insurance? Fixing myself food? Etc. Yeah, I need to those things or they won't get done. And yes, it's a burden. But it's a burden I'm learning to bare so she won't have to bare more than she ought! I'm being taught to do what needs to be done so that she won't have to nag me about it! (Man, I hope I get good at this "responsibility" thingy! ... I got a long way to go.)

   I have learned, to some small degree, to trust in the Lord without receiving what I want. "God, I will do anything for a good wife," I said in my heart. And He responded, "Will you give up a 'good wife' and follow Me? Would you let that dream go and dream of Me instead? Would you do that so I can truly give you the joy your heart desires?" ... Me: "Ok... but only if I get a good wife and then afterwards I'll seek You. K? thanks." What a silly boy I am. But the Lord did not accept that. And, "Instead of this He made me feel the hidden evils of my heart ... Yea more with His own hand He seemed intent to aggravate my woe -- crossed all the fair designs I schemed, cast out my feelings, laid me low. 'Lord, why is this?' I trembling cried [over and over and over I cried this to Him]. 'Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?' ''Tis in this way,' the Lord replied, 'I answer prayers for grace and faith. These inward trials I employ, from self [my dreams of being self sufficient, proven in the fact that I gained a good wife] and pride [my lust] to set you free -- and break thy schemes of earthly joy that thou mayest seek thy all in Me.'" (I Asked the Lord, John Newton, added italics)

And that is why I am so very thankful to be a single, lonely, hopeless, disappointed with life, guy. Yes, because God has a plan and is working it out, that is why I am very, very thankful to be single.

Thankfulness: why should I be? Prologue.

**TL;DR is at the end**

 I have asked myself many times, "Why should I be thankful? -- What do I have that I could be thankful for!?" A lot of you would respond with something like, "oh, dude! Just look at what you have! You've got a good job, a good family (mostly), and you have good friends. Those are things you should be thankful for." I, being a pessimistic person, would respond with, "I could lose my job, my family is a wreck most of the time (whether you know it or not), and my friends?! Psh! I don't even know why they hang out with me!" (P.S. I really do have wonderful friends! ... and I really don't know why they hang out with me. okay, back on subject!)

 In other words, I can look poorly at any good situation... how?! why? why can't I just be grateful for what I've been given?! There are SO many people who have such harder lives than I do! And they are so joyful and grateful for what little they have! ... that just makes me feel worse about myself.... I feel guilty when I think of how thankful people are while I'm moping around trying to drawn my guilt in video games and alcohol.

 **Please let me say two things: One, yup, I have drowned  my feelings in alcohol. I don't remember a year of my collage because I was so apathetic and depressed. To escape, I drank... and did other things. A story for another time. Two, when you are depressed, however you would like to define it, it overrides whatever reason there might be for being thankful. ... except for one reason. If you don't understand what it feels like to be depressed, please, trust me on how this works.**

 Being thankful when you truly, truly do not feel like it is more than a burden.

 Often, ... actually almost every time something really wonderful happens and my spirit is lifted, I instantaneously prep myself for the downfall. I prepare for the loss of something. I put my guard up. I get ready for the wonderful thing to turn out to be a painful and wretched experience. (For instance: I wake up, read my bible and pray, and I remember Gods promises. Yup, feeling great! "Thanks, God! I don't often feel this way!" Then I am blindsided by lust! or a memory of my sin! or my dad did something and I'm furious at him! Or remember the fact that I actually hurt that person! Or that girl I like updates her status to, "in a relationship"! [Yes, i'm that shallow.] I didn't turn to God, I turned to alcohol or whatever my heart desired! I'm a failure. I took that good day, and ruined it!) A pattern is formed: a good thing proceeds a far worse thing.

I say to myself, and it becomes true, "Any good thing will turn out to be worse than I could imagine."

To be honest, I'm ready for God to surprise me with a good thing that actually stays good.

When I'm feeling down, a common  piece of advice is, "Make a list of all the things you're thankful for. everyday, do that." why? Nothing will turn out well in the end! It ALWAYS ends badly!!

...

And that is the crucial phrase or mindset: "It always ends badly".

For you see, I do not trust that God will work things for good. I do not trust that He is a loving and kind God to me!
 "I know what He's done for others, but He isn't kind to me. only to other people--"
 "No, Timothy! *mental slap* Self, you are just trusting in yourself! Self, you believe you know everything and that if you can't see it ending well, it won't! God has told you that He will take care of you! He will work all things for good! If you are a part of Him, He will prune you -- it will hurt!-- in order that you may be more fruitful! He has a purpose! you might not see it -- ever! -- but, He HAS A PURPOSE!"
"but what if He doesn't have a purpose?"
"Than He isn't who He says He is, and nothing matters; including whether you trust in Him or not."
"oh."
"yup."

Am I picking myself up by my own bootstraps? I don't think so. That strange, inner monologue is to say, if God is who He says He is, I can trust Him when He says it will work for my good and His glory. And if He's not who He claims to be, I'm already screwed and have nothing to lose by trusting Him anyways.

Okay, here's the short of all that:

Thankfulness cannot be contrived.
Thankfulness cannot be faked.
Thankfulness always comes from a heart and mind that believes in the goodness of God!
Thankfulness is the response to knowing that God is a God of purposeful, loving kindness!

Thankfulness is trusting that God is who He says He is.

So, why should I be thankful? It's the one reason that overrides depression: Because I hope in the purposeful, goodness of who God is!-- Oh, let Him be true when I don't believe, and me a liar when I trust myself!


TL;DR is just up there.

Riddle time!

Ok, I'm actually really curious... "Ask me no questions, I'll tell ye no lies." I'll give you wisdom from above, yet mortal words am I. Advice is easy, actions then the test. The wisest of the wise, his words I am, the strongest of strong, can you follow them? Role from the tongue, and comes easy to most, Short and sweet oft am, yet sharp daggers and pointed can be. I sway nations when the lords heed my voice. By me, children are raised up - it's your choice: Will I be as pearls to the swine to you? A horse led to water yet does not drink? Wise, yet simple, easy but so difficult, what am I?

Episode 5

On today's episode: snow, snow, and more potatoes! Upon awaking with such enthusiasm as to cause the Pope to become jealous, Our Hero not on the slightest bit put off by the dichotic (made that word up.) Bipolarity (and that one) of the weather! With such vehemence, as to rival a way prego tortoise who is fighting to get to her egg laying beach front, Our Hero flings his shorts aside and dawns his work trousers. My gosh! he may have even posed in the mirror shirtless, causing angels to break out in chorus of course - this also cause jealousy to rise with the Pope. I mean those biceps, though! Needless to say, Our Hero put all the jackets on before heading out into the awkwardly cold, this-should-be-like-67-degrees-warmer weather to shovel his car out if the hateful mire known as "snow". (I actually really like snow a lot, btw!!) Utilizing the gargantuan biceps he was gloriously gifted with, Our Hero brushed hos car off, let it warm up, said, "screw you wall of snow that the plow guys left for me to o'er come!!" And smashed his way out onto the road. Nothing but the wall of snowy ice stuff broke. It was glorious. Mere hours after arriving at his place of heroism, our hero goes for his this-was-hot-at-one-point-...-probably coffee and takes a huge swig of perfection -- *flashback* Our Hero gets out a pan, cracks the insubstantial, and final, three eggs into the pan. He decides he will be a touch healthy and tosses a sturdy handful of spinach leaves into the pan as well. *end flashback* upon intake of said beverage, Our Hero's brain, not unlike the weather, experiences a dramatic range of emotional instability and, to be honest, questions it's very existence. So grand were the expectations Our Hero had for this dainty sip of this strong and slightly earthy flavored drink, yet, never was there such an odd explosion of contradictory tastes upon his tongue. The mug is tipped up. The mouth eagerly opens. The taste buds are practically audible in there cries of longing for the delicious coffee! Our Hero nearly gags. The coffee... the spinach... the eggs... they all come together in such forceful delivery that, in an interview with Your Truly after the incident, the only way Our Hero could describe it was, "it was like a nuclear bomb made entirely of potatoes just erupted inside my face." POTATOES, ladies and gentleman!! How could such a thing happen?? Once again, Our Hero has battled justly and fought ferociously!! And against all odds - the snow, the wall of snow, the healthiness, the POTATOES(?)!! - he has come out victorious! Again! note: hitting the "back" button, after writing almost all of this, having almost all of this erased - holy garbage, that sucks!! I hit the "forward" button, and it was all still here though!!! Wooot!!

Contrast.

Contrast: it tells you the other side too. A crying baby: it's alive. A bored child: he isn't starving. A son that weeps: he isn't a cold hearted bastard. A daughter/sister who needs so much attention: she loves you. A husband that snores: he's alive and next to you. A wife that is hurt by his sins: she loves him. Feeling lost: knowing you're supposed to be in a specific place. Experiencing pain: you can still feel. Fear: you still hope. Darkness: you've known light and color. Sin: there must also be righteousness out there too. And if someone is truly righteous, they are merciful too.

Making the Hard Decisions

My personal list of discussions that are VERY hard to make: - should I go the restroom at work and be paid while doing my "business" or should I wait till I get home in 40 min where I'll be more relaxed? - should I name my first born "Francis Hershel Worthington", or "Humphrey Beauregard Cleveland III"? - should I wear my super comfy bland socks, so my feet are ultra happy, or should I wear my scooby doo socks and be in a super secret happy mood under my uniform? - should I wear my fancy watch that's hard to tell time on so I look really chique and classy, or should I wear my g-shock 7000 - which can survive under the core of the earth for 12 second and is easy to read - so I can one-up those nerds out there? - should I get an 8 layered otter-box that's proven to be blond proof, or live it on the dangerous side by letting my phone go naked? - is Bruce Wayne actually Batman or not?? - if I could grow facial hair, would a beard or a goatee look better on me? - (Last, but not least) is the hokey-pokey actually what its all about? Idk, I guess I have a pretty rough life.... being an adult is hard.

Bored? Solutions.

**Sorry! Really long.** Really bored? Me too. Remedy? ... I don't have one. But I do have techniques that might help a little bit: - sing to yourself (listening to see if you can stay on key, or hit that low/high note, trying to improve yourself.) - stretch. (It doesn't take long and it opens your blood flow up, helps you feel more awake.) - try to remember important lessons or times in your life - or important people and why they are/were important to you. - write the silliest, grammatically correct sentence (which I would love to read, btw) and the most profound, grammatically incorrect (or correct) sentence (I would also love to read this one!) - plan a get-together with your friends. (This one really helps with looking forward to something!) - if you have no friends, plan a dinner with your mom/cat/computer. Just kidding. Sort of. But seriously, if you have nothing to do with anyone, go learn an instrument from someone, or take a class, or learn a martial art, or join a club. (That's more for those of us who are living "boring" lives, rather than those who are just "bored right now") - memorize something worth knowing. - practice something worth doing. (Like stretches for your gym/martial art class) - think about your worst memory, write it down, then think about your best memory, write it down, and think about why each was bad/good and who you became because of those. (If you're afraid to think about the bad, that's ok. I am too.) - write a bad poem. - draw a strange wonderland of stick people. Why? Why the crap should I try to not be bored?? I'm just going to be bored again! Because: 1. since God is a God of purpose, nothing you do is a waste. 2. Love - which is something everyone wants and is commanded to give to others - is, at it's most practical out working, an act of self discipline (arguable, I know - but here's an example: husband loves his wife, so he speaks kindly to her / does the dishes / gives her something she likes that he had to work for / learns to love what she loves / forgives her even if he's hurt / lets go of his pride and honor and asks for his own forgiveness.) 3. Learning to do what you don't want to do, but ought to do, is more rewarding than doing what you want to do but ought not do. 4. Boredom never ever bring peace or joy. Because boredom is rooted in selfishness, and selfishness never ever bring peace or joy. Note: I am currently bored. And I wish that I was more self disciplined enough to do these things. ... I'm trying.

Wisdom from a Wise One

I thought you might appreciate these quotes - from The Thought of God, by Maurice Roberts: The mere thought of God should end all anxiety. Then why does it not? B/c I fail to carry thought to its proper conclusion. If God be God, then no insoluble problems exist. And if God be MY God, then no problem of mine is w/o its appropriate solution. There is in God just exactly what is needed to solve every riddle of life. Though sometimes, the answer is beyond the grave. It is not outward circumstances that can drag us down, but our own reaction of despair to them, when we fail to perceive the hidden hand of God in all events. There is no situation in life too hard for God. But many situations look too hard at first sight. These are ordained to give us room to wait on God for his deliverance. There is a blessing attached to waiting patiently for God in evil days. They shall not be ashamed who wait for God. [as posted by Lynne Murphy when i was really down.]

Shout Out to My Nieces!

So many special moments today, just hanging with my babies. We played bubbles.... We rode bikes to the park ... We swung on swings, slid down slides, we feed the ducks at the dock pond... Got ice cream at the ice cream parlor . My favorite part was when some brat (the b word) tried to tell Devers she couldn't go down a slide because they were going up it, and "she better go find another slide if you know what's good for you". Before I had a chance to jump in and tell that b word 9 old about herself, CARISSA jumped in and let her know she better move because dev was that first, and that she was rude. Proudest mommy moment watching the oldest protect the youngest. Being the mature adult that I am, I screamed after that B :"you are very rude and disrespectful. If I knew where your mother was we would be having words" After words, when I haD them a speech about how to handle bullying, Carissa pipes up and said "well I'm not going to let someone treat my sister like that, ever!!!" Way to go honey--reminds me of how I am with Rachel, to this day. [as posted by] ~ Christy Simon

Single Guys Advice on Pleasing Your Lady in the Kitchen

Alrighty guys! For your reading pleasure, I present to you: (note: there is a lot of bro-ness in this…. Cause I think making fun of bros is hilarious!) Single Guy's advice on pleasing your lady in the kitchen! Part 1: Making a Midnight Breakfast Meal First off, make sure you're pretty buff and ripped. The biggest difference between a well cooked meal and burning the house down is a strong set of biceps and some shirt ripping pectorals. Second, wear your pajamas. Shirt optional - it's always a good call to show off your ripple-y muscle tone when flipping eggs or slicing onions. (If you’ve decided to forgo the first step, make sure you keep your shirt on – you wouldn’t want some bacon grease to splash on your tender skin and burn you, would you? No.) Third, grab a slab of bacon and start sizzling that crap up. It’s easily accomplished on low-ish heat and when the individual pieces have been cut in half. If you opt to wear one of those heat-resistant-dishwashing gloves your mom wore when she would wash dishes to flip the bacon with your fingers, that’s ok. Just make sure your lady isn’t in the room to see it on you. ‘Cause nobody, not to mention your pretty chica, likes a shirtless guy who wears a neon yellow hand mitt. Once you’ve made your decision on the optional clothing, make sure your ½ a large onion and 2 apples are fully diced. Four: once that bacon is mostly crispy but a touch soft in some places, pull it out and onto a plate that has a grease absorbent cushion on it – treat that bacon like royalty! (I like to use a paper towel.) then make sure to drain some of that bacon nectar out of the pan you’re using. Not all of it though. Five: put that diced half onion in the pan and let the bacon blood infuse itself throughout the onion until the tear causing veggie is a nice crispy, golden color throughout. It takes about 30 min on a low heat. During this time, serenade your babe with songs like, Nat King Cole’s “L-O-V-E” song. Six: once that onion is a little on the brown side of a rich amber, add your 2 well diced apples. (I hope you gave your lady a good viewing angle of your Carpi and Brachioradialis musculature while you sliced those fruits! … forearm muscles, brohan, forearm muscles.) Seven: those apples should be a touch squish and slightly tanned by the time they’ve matured into edible perfection. Dump that crispy load onto a second plate which both of you can easily access for some pre-breakfast-midnight-dinner eating. Eight: *THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART!!* Ask her how she likes her eggs. (And bro, if you make an immature joke at this point, you might as well call it a night and go play some video games. ‘Cause you’re not ready to be serving a fine cultured lady like her till all that juvenile behavior is gone, gone, gone!) Once she tells you she like her eggs fried with a runny yellow but not runny white, wink at her and politely inform her that scrambled is the peak of your culinary skills – and you better hope she’s ok with that!! Also, if those pre-chickens are dry when you’re done, and she doesn’t like dry eggs, throw ‘em out and try again. Ketchup is not an acceptable cop out for poor egg cooking skills!! (Note: don’t rush things! A low cooking temperature is a much easier and better way to get those eggs inside the part of the Venn diagram labeled, “perfection”.) Nine: serve it all together with some wine and enjoy the love of your life. You’re welcome, guys.

Jan 27

Well. I woke up feeling like *a bad word which is appropriately used in this context*. Yup. My thoughts and heartset were bent on anger, pride, lust, and, worst of all, absolute discontented ungratefulness. The root of it all? Almost total distrust in God's goodness. Why the crap would I share this christianeze rhetoric?? Because being a Christian is not about being a fixed and good and healthy person. It's about being broken and about being too wimpy to help yourself. It's about denying that Christ is who He says He is three (or more) times, and still being forgiven - and being absolutely distraught over your foolishness. Being a Christian is not about waking up to sunshine and fat, harp playing cherubs who sing blessings of success and good feelings over you. It's about feeling like shit and yet knowing that a God of perfect purpose loves you to wretched death. And, it's about knowing that He has and will transform you to become a holy love accepting, love giving, strong and courageous man. (Or woman). Yup. ... that's all I know so far. (Meanwhile, Our Hero takes his first little baby steps of faith!!! Next time, less offensive language??) (<--- yea, I did just narrate my own life for a hot second there...)

The End of the Road

The end of the road, the mountain still to climb. A path to forge, no strength to find. If with doubt I tread, His grace shall be my guide. Put left 'fore right, He is my might. Disheartened and faint, but this new courage I take: He will uphold, He will me guide. For your namesake, lord, Be true to who you are. Redeem this one; Calling me "son". There ne'er was like you. Please! Be e'er beside me. Failure is sure. Forgiveness, mine! Yet, oh fainting soul, For sure His love endures! endure for Him. new hope he brings: the cross He suffered, You, His joy, twas it for! In this I walk. In this I climb.

Husband Material, Right Here!

A few of the reasons that really (don't) matter as to why I will be a great husband!! I can: -get almost all the yogurt out the little cup thingy it comes in. -pick up my boxers with my feet, toss em into the air and catch em with my hands before slam dunking then into a hamper. -do at least 7 one handed push-ups while using both hands at the same time. -make lightning by turning the light on and off extremely quickly. -hold a beer glass in each hand. -draw a highly realistic infinity sign. -tie my own Velcro shoes. -breath like Darth Vader. Yup, that's right, ladies. I can do all those things.

Skills I Posses

*ultra suave voice activated* Good morning, Ladies. Let me list the copious and amazing skills I have - humbly of course: 1. I am a glorious cleaner. 2. My ability to be smooth a cool are off the charts. 3. My spelling makes Gandhi jealous. 4. My golden locks of hair are softer than a fern leaf before it unfolds. 5. When I fold laundry, mothers around the world take notes. 6. When I write a handwritten note, angels and demons alike try to mimic my style. 7. My sense of humor is so mature even Moses would chuckle till tears rolled down his fully bearded cheeks. *end ultra suave voice* (All that was basically a lie.)

The Conversations....

I find I can relate to the crowd in John 6 extremely well. "But Jesus, I want this!" "In me you find completeness." "That's great, Jesus, now what about this?? I don't know if grasp how badly I NEED this!" "You need me, my son. I will give you the best of all things, ..." "Is it this thing, Jesus?! Oh golly boy goodness yay!" "No My son, that will hurt you if you do not have me." "What." "I will help you, I will uphold you, I will feed the food that is good for you - I will give you peace and joy, my son." "... I dunno... I know you do it for everyone else.... and I know you have never lied to me.. and I know I don't have a lot of faith... I'll have to pray about it before I give you a solid answer, ok?" "Trust in the lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. For you do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with you." "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope"

Episode 4

It is on this day that Our Hero battles his ultimate Nemesis!! Will the evils of the early hours of the morning truly find victory over our beleaguered champion of truth and justice?! It was with great remorse that Our Hero bid a truly heart felt 'fare thee well' to his beloved bed. It was at this time that the diabolical lord Early-Morning strikes Our Hero! Say it tis not so! While Our Hero is at his weakest!? Does the cruel ire of Early-Morning know no limits!? With humble trepidation Our Hero attempts the impossible task of fixing himself breakfast! (Could he be a braver warrior of the dawn?!) But lo! The confounding lord Early-Morning strikes Our Hero with a curse of groggy forgetfulness! While fixing himself a lovely and noble cup of tea, Our Hero forgot a crucial ingredient! Let it not be! Well after naught could be done about said ingredient Our Hero tentatively sips said succulent sweet ... uh.. beverage. (I have no word that I can think of that starts with "s" for drink, ok?) And with vehemence he bellows his rage at the very victorious lord Early-Morning! For, while remembering clutch ingredients such as half-n-half and sugar (ran out of honey ), Our Hero forgot the dang freaking TEA BAG!!!! YES! It was boiling, sugary, half-n-half infused, hot water which burned the tongue of Our Hero this morning!! The battle Our Hero raged this morning against lord Early-Morning was well fought. But it is with humble honesty that Our Hero admits his most wounding defeat to a fiend of such ferocious fervor. While still suffering the sting of a singed and sore tongue, the greater wound is the lose of such a glorious goblet of goodness, aka the cup of tea. Next time, lord Early-Morning, next time.

The Joys of Jealousy.

(don't read if you want an upper) When I look back on my short, short life, I see something that I would not want to be confronted with. Ever. I look back and I see a jealous heart. I was, and probably still am, a jealous person. The mindset of, "that is what I want, that is what I deserve, and that is mine, alone--How dare you say/act/think otherwise!" Is for God only. Jealousy is the deepest, most dangerous, intensely subtle, harmful sin I know of. I have only ever realized that it is in me because of brutal honesty, angry self humiliation, God showing me what it's like to be on the receiving end of it, and a lot of sorrow. Jealousy is the hardest way find out that you are worshiping yourself. Jealousy destroys. And bitterness is its child.

Episode 3

On today's episode, on this our independence day, our hero is approached by a U.S. Coast Guard seaman and is offered a cigar. With much gratitude, our hero accepts, thinking to himself: "how many military men and women are on duty today? And do they realize that the whole their nation celebrates, not just the gift this nation is, but also the hard work, blood, sweat, and many tears those men and women have given to us?" Our hero is celebrating the gift of sacrifice that those men and women have given him. Thank you.

Episode 2

On this week's episode, our hero is vigorously bored! The rain is falling outside, hardly leaving a thing dry! With sudden irritation the rain decides that it's done. With that completely tangential iteration of current weather behind us, let's get on with the story. Our hero finds there is nearly an endless supply of nothing to do. So, what does our hero do with all that nothing? Work out time!!! But, with great vehemence, our hero finds that he lacks all needed iron pumping gear! Which is not surprising, cause he's in a cubicle. Boring. Avast! A desk is in front of his hands! Thus, our hero fills his time by placing his hands under the front lip of the desk and, oh so tenderly and quietly, lifting that dang desk! Get ripped! Do you even lift desks?!?! Feel the burn.

Episode 1

Phew! Yet again(!) The day has been saved by our hero in disguise. After realizing that he sweats a butt load because of his body armor, our hero thought to himself, "aha! Some man perfume will help me smell good no matter how smoking hot I get inside this armor (as if my abs need it!)." Thus it was, one his coworkers decided to make a hairy deal out of "someone's wearing cologne!" (<-- I freaking have no idea how to spell that word! It's the word for bottled man scent, ok!?) ... meanwhile, in the exact same place, our hero, after noticing the question was directed elsewhere, decided to keep his cool and announce absolutely nothing about putting some liquid lady slayer on that morning. Our hero survives, barely, by staying downwind of the rest of the office. Which is very hard to do in an office!! The only casualty was our heroes self confidence. He didn't need it anyway. The end!

Prolog 2!

So, two girls, maybe 13 or 14, walk up to the guard house I'm in and proceed to tell me how two boys, also about 13 or 14, have taken their ball and thrown it over the fence. "Can we get it back? --We don't want to cause trouble--You look like Leonardo decaprio." ... "yes. Let me call a guy to get it. And, thanks." Ten minutes later, the ball had been retrieved, all is well in the world again. Mission accomplished. America.

prolog to it all!

So, I just noticed that I walk with a very pronounced bounce in my step. And, I look years younger than I actually am. Being a security guard, I try to take my job seriously. I honestly don't know how this all comes across. I can imagine though: *I come stomping through the hallway to tell someone to silence their phone* person's thought: "OMG!! An angry blond twelve-year-old bouncy-ball with a gun is coming straight freaking at me!! Oh Zeus, help us all!"