Episode 5

On today's episode: snow, snow, and more potatoes! Upon awaking with such enthusiasm as to cause the Pope to become jealous, Our Hero not on the slightest bit put off by the dichotic (made that word up.) Bipolarity (and that one) of the weather! With such vehemence, as to rival a way prego tortoise who is fighting to get to her egg laying beach front, Our Hero flings his shorts aside and dawns his work trousers. My gosh! he may have even posed in the mirror shirtless, causing angels to break out in chorus of course - this also cause jealousy to rise with the Pope. I mean those biceps, though! Needless to say, Our Hero put all the jackets on before heading out into the awkwardly cold, this-should-be-like-67-degrees-warmer weather to shovel his car out if the hateful mire known as "snow". (I actually really like snow a lot, btw!!) Utilizing the gargantuan biceps he was gloriously gifted with, Our Hero brushed hos car off, let it warm up, said, "screw you wall of snow that the plow guys left for me to o'er come!!" And smashed his way out onto the road. Nothing but the wall of snowy ice stuff broke. It was glorious. Mere hours after arriving at his place of heroism, our hero goes for his this-was-hot-at-one-point-...-probably coffee and takes a huge swig of perfection -- *flashback* Our Hero gets out a pan, cracks the insubstantial, and final, three eggs into the pan. He decides he will be a touch healthy and tosses a sturdy handful of spinach leaves into the pan as well. *end flashback* upon intake of said beverage, Our Hero's brain, not unlike the weather, experiences a dramatic range of emotional instability and, to be honest, questions it's very existence. So grand were the expectations Our Hero had for this dainty sip of this strong and slightly earthy flavored drink, yet, never was there such an odd explosion of contradictory tastes upon his tongue. The mug is tipped up. The mouth eagerly opens. The taste buds are practically audible in there cries of longing for the delicious coffee! Our Hero nearly gags. The coffee... the spinach... the eggs... they all come together in such forceful delivery that, in an interview with Your Truly after the incident, the only way Our Hero could describe it was, "it was like a nuclear bomb made entirely of potatoes just erupted inside my face." POTATOES, ladies and gentleman!! How could such a thing happen?? Once again, Our Hero has battled justly and fought ferociously!! And against all odds - the snow, the wall of snow, the healthiness, the POTATOES(?)!! - he has come out victorious! Again! note: hitting the "back" button, after writing almost all of this, having almost all of this erased - holy garbage, that sucks!! I hit the "forward" button, and it was all still here though!!! Wooot!!